A BIT ABOUT DEPRESSION ...

Do You Really Know
What Depression Is?

What Depression Isn't!

Depression is not a sign of a weak personality, nor is it something to be ashamed of. It is a real medical illness. People with depression cannot "just snap out of it" -- no more than it would be possible for a person with an HIV infection, diabetes, or some other medical illness to "just snap out of it."

From my earliest memories of dealing with this I can recall my well-intentioned mother, or a family member who did not know any better saying things like I was "CRAZY" or some other words that caused me to feel LESS THAN others in my own age group who seemingly were not suffering from this. People with negative, less-than-supportive attitudes and "cover-up" agendas are NOT good for the person suffering from depression and their words do not promote healing or even a better understanding. Look out for well-meaning, sour-tongued loved-ones.

The good news is that depression can be treated effectively.

Concerned About Your Mental Health?

In a recent survey, gay men reported that depression was their most serious health concern after HIV/AIDS. Lesbians reported that the issue of depression and mental health was their number one health concern.

There may be some basis for this concern. Research has shown that gay men and lesbians may have higher rates of depression when compared with the general population. Homophobia may be part of the reason-both internalized homophobia (directed against oneself) as well as the homophobia many gay people encounter at school, work, home, and in society at large. As a gay person in a homophobic society, being in or out of the closet can carry its own set of pressures and problems.

Understanding Depression

Depression is more than just feeling sad. People who are clinically depressed are not just moody or feeling "blue" for a few days. They experience long periods of feeling very down -- or in some cases, very anxious or extremely tired -- for several weeks or months. Drug and/or alcohol abuse may also be signs of depression. Because depression can change the way a person feels, thinks, and behaves, it can have negative effects on all aspects of a person's life, from school to work to family and social life.

What Causes Depression?

In addition to external, societal factors that may contribute to depression, there are other reasons why a person might become depressed. These include traumatic life experiences such as the death of a loved one, certain diseases or medications, substance abuse, hormonal changes, or a family history of depression. Sometimes the cause of depression is unknown.

Whatever the circumstances, depression is caused by an imbalance of certain chemicals in the brain. Normally, these "chemical messengers" help nerve cells communicate with one another by sending and receiving messages, and they may also influence a person's mood. In the case of depression, the available supply of the chemical messengers is low, so nerve cells can't communicate effectively.

Antidepressant medications such as LEXAPRO work by helping to correct the imbalance of certain chemicals in the brain. These medications may take several weeks to be effective, but they work well and are generally safe. With just one 10 mg tablet a day, LEXAPRO significantly improves the symptoms of depression and anxiety for many patients beginning at week 1 or 2.5

References: 1. Depression and mental health emerge as major concerns for the community: community health survey reveals top concern of gay men and lesbians. HealthyPlace Gender Community.

A Most Unusual Boy

Here I am again, alone, at mom's. What else is new? Well, besides the mysterious health situation that eldues me presently ... Umm, let's see ... It's Jessica's 6oth birthday, and I actually want to be there at the hall, for her, large crowd and all! She has been very sweet to me, throughout the years as my mom's best bud and my distant cousin. Accepting of what she knows of me, even. More so than others. What's a bit ironic, is that they are holding the festivities at Russell Hall, close to where I live. Just down the street, actually. On the street where Coleen lives.

Jessica's son Tony, and daughter, Laura are in town too - since last night. Tony came by for mom, after she failed to be ready when his cousin Latisia showed up for her maybe thirty minutes earlier. Where was I? AT the computer for Latisia (she beeped the horn furiously a few times for Mom's attention), but up in the stairwell to the attic bedrooms, when Tony came in (!!!), as Mom asked me to get her coat. But I ended up, hiding in the closet, sort'a, after all this time. I'm sure Mom saw this as I think she usually does: Me hiding from people ... It just made me feel really silly, and tired of being misunderstood, becasue, normally, I would rather not be in social situations involving large crowds. Social Anxiety Disorder, or whatever you want to label it. It's a part of me. My truth. Why can't my family here be accepting of me as I am? Why do I have to move thousands of miles away to feel accepted and appreciated?

ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN HERE

I'm terrified. There are so many things that I am concerned about, and should be concerned about!

What happens next in this story of my life? Will I get a chance to do at least some of those things I have been aspiring to all this time? Or will it read "Justin Kyle: FAILURE" when all is said and done?

I feel awful and wish I could write something cheery and happy, that I have this great thing going on or that I just received some good news or a wonderful, pleasant surprise. But things have not neen like that for me for a long time now. Do I need to just accept the cruel reality of my life, circa now, or can must I dream and work hard as I can to get on towards what is still possible for me to achieve?

How do I know what is left for me?

As this mystery continues ... how do I know what are realistic expectations for what I will be able to do with the rest of my life ...?!!!

ON THE WAY TO LOVE (On The Way To Truth)

Cooking ... Simple. Hamburgers. Early evening. Might be going to Mom's tonight, even if it's in the wee smalls, as is often the case.

Since I have been sick, it's not the same. I am distracted by the pain or discomfort, or simply by the confusion and worry. Which makes me grumpy. Grumpier than before even. Whatwever tiny bit of excitement I may have been able to summons forward previously in relation to going to Mom's, I have to really struggle for now. The break in the weather is still much welcomed. But it has been increasingly more difficult to work towards getting ready for a vistit to Mom's. Once there, I can feel that I am lacking in some emotions experienced on the regular until this mysterious illness began to creep up.

I have been trying to make a special effort to be there for Mom, in general these days. It's as though a lightbulb went off in past months. I just know that neither of us is getting any younger and i need to help her even though she might be unwilling to admit she needs or wants the help. Breakthrough?

I WANNA BE LOVED

I plan on going to Mom's - maybe tonight, if I can get organized. And that could be a big IF. I must remember that I need to gradually add the things I need to add back into my life in order to get back to a "normal" way of existing. Of course, these things are most often more easily said than done.

Mother's Day is this coming weekend, and if my sister and neice have planned to visit Mom's place also, I will opt to stay home, as their brand of Drama is not something at all good for me presently. I hope they are staying home, as I haven't been to Mom's in a couple of weeks or longer, and at least, when I am there I do tend to be more task-oriented than how I am at home. Helping my mother is help to me too. As long as her own Drama does not create drama for me too!