Hard-hearted Hannah

Today was another whopper of a day. As I expected, Mom was in right BITCH form after sleeping all of last night, through prime timeTV hours to the morning. Soon as I got up today she was on my case and I had to tell her off! The first thing she said upon my awaking was "Ohhhhhhhhhhh" in a very negative tone. "I thought you'd be asleep 'til four maybe ..."

"Here we go, " I commented dryly, frowning, heading to the bathroom. Then, as I got back to the kitchen, she tore into me about her usual bullshit as I started to prepare coffee. It got so bad, I had to just go back into the bedroom and lay on the bed, since I knew sleep wouldn't come, abandoning the coffee and all. After maybe fifteen minutes or so I came back out to the kitchen. I just don't get it with her. She is so hateful to me. Oh, why do I even bothering trying to explain this situation. It is so terribly sad. I do not know what I am going to do now. This just cannot go on like it's been, and since mom seems to be getting more crazy ... I just don't know anymore. I just don't know.

God, please help me. I have to get away from here but have absolutely no resources.

The Island

Tonight my mother basically said I can go back home to my place and NEVER COME BACK! Wish that I could, but my set of poor circumstances sort of make that a hard thing to do. We had two really harsh exchanges today, AND on Monday also. I feel real sorry for her but her reasoning is sooooooo off. Treating me like dirt because I'm not married, with kids, and do not have a job! So much for a mother's love.

The headaches are becoming acute now and interfering with my thinking and such more apparently so.

I have three or more teeth needing root canal or extraction at least since LAST April; living off ever-dwindling Life's Savings, can't get a damn job here at all after a few years; dealing with a mother who is more insane than my bro or sis care to admit or even pay attention to - or visit; no friends here after several yrs here; and my music and writing and acting careers have been put on hold since this is hardly LA, NYC, Toronto, or Vancouver. Plus, I'm stuck in Nova Scotia and the friend's I had helped in Toronto, the ones i helped move to Toronto and sleep in my bed while i took the floor or w/e have NOT helped ME get back to Toronto , not even my own big bro whom i helped get his apartment for for him and soon to be ex- wife. Did i mention, my "Christian" mom is NASTY and putting me down all the time and acts like she hates me and wishes i wasn't born when behind closed doors?

Feeling so all alone.

"No man is an Island", they say?